Pulling fingernails. Gouging eyes. Breaking kneecaps. Electro-shocking. Water boarding everybody.

It's that time of the year. With the close of candidate filing on Nov. 2, Illinois' 2010 political campaign has officially begun. Voters' pain and suffering has commenced, and the torture will continue unabated for the next year. And then it will extend into 2011, with the Chicago municipal elections.

For the next 90 days, until the Feb. 2 primary, expect every scheming, ill-qualified, unappealing aspirant to deluge the airwaves with radio and television ads emphasizing that his or her opponent is a crass, ignorant, corrupt moron. And expect reciprocity.

Call it the "Least Worst Syndrome." Amid scandals and corruption enveloping Illinois, Cook County and Chicago, amid revelations and pleas preceding next summer's federal trial of Rod Blagojevich, and amid a persistent economic downturn which has wreaked budgetary havoc, necessitating spending and tax increases, every politician is viewed with hostility. So candidates will bleat this pathetic refrain: I haven't a clue, but my opponent has (or will) screw it up worse than me. I'm the least worst choice.

Here's a review of filings:

Cook County Board President: It's doubtful that anybody could screw up this job worse than incumbent Todd Stroger, but a Stroger victory in the Democratic primary is not an impossibility.

First, Stroger has firmly wrapped himself in victimhood. The detested sales tax increase, and Stroger's three successful vetoes of a repeal, have elevated him to near sainthood in Chicago's black community. Stroger argues that the funds are required for "essential services" -- County Hospital, neighborhood health clinics, County Jail guards and Juvenile Court bureaucrats. Conveniently, many of the 12,000 employees who provide those "services" are black residents sponsored by Stroger's 8th Ward organization or by other South Side and West Side ward organizations. To many black voters, Stroger is the much-maligned "Guardian of the Gate" -- a veritable hero.

Second, Stroger is playing the race card. More than 100 black ministers recently endorsed him, urging all other black contenders to exit the race. The board presidency is now viewed by them as a black-only job. If Stroger gets 90 percent of the black vote and his foes split the remaining 67 percent of the primary vote, Stroger could win.

Also filing were Alderman Toni Preckwinkle (5th), who is black but who is targeting white "progressives," U.S. Representative Danny Davis (D-7), who is black and who also filed for reelection and has until Nov. 9 to withdraw from one of the two races, Clerk of Circuit Court Dorothy Brown, who is black, and Metropolitan Water Reclamation District President Terry O'Brien, who is white.

The outlook: Preckwinkle will get black support in Hyde Park but nowhere else. She'll run up huge numbers in Oak Park, Evanston and liberal white enclaves, and she might get surreptitious backing from Mayor Daley's allies, much as Anita Alvarez did in 2008. Preckwinkle has no administrative experience, but she's the "least worst" choice for liberals and for Daley.

O'Brien has expertise, but he is little known. To win, he has to make himself the "Anti-Stroger" and promise to repeal the sales tax hike. He wins only if he whips up an anti-Stroger frenzy, which could act to his detriment by precipitating a huge black pro-Stroger frenzy. Preckwinkle takes more votes from O'Brien than from Stroger.

Brown is largely irrelevant. The key is Davis: If he aborts, Stroger wins the West Side. That means Stroger, Preckwinkle and O'Brien are all in the 30 to 35 percent range. Each could win, including the "worst worse" -- Stroger.

Assessor: Board of Review Commissioner Joe Berrios, the county Democratic chairman, is facing Bob Shaw, a black former alderman. If elected, Berrios would transform the office into a money-raising machine, raising pay to play to new levels and making himself the county's most powerful Hispanic politician. The property tax system begs for reform, but Shaw is no reformer. He will be on the "black ticket," and he will get the about the same number of votes as Stroger. As the least worst candidate, Berrios will win easily.

Sheriff: Incumbent Tom Dart could have run for Stroger's job or the U.S. Senate. He got headlines by halting foreclosure tenant evictions and unearthing the Burr Oak cemetery scandal. Dart faces Sylvester Baker, a black former employee. Baker got 19.8 percent of the vote in the 2006 primary. The outlook: No contest. Dart's next goal: mayor of Chicago.

Metropolitan Water Reclamation District: Every 2 years three anonymous commissioners are nominated by the Democrats and routinely elected. A Republican last won in 1972. So the criteria are not least worst, least known or least qualified. They are gender, Irish surname, ballot position or party endorsement.

The 2010 Democratic slate is Barb McGowan, a black incumbent, Mike Alvarez, a member of Alderman Dick Mell's (33rd) organization, and Mariyana Spyroupoulos, who has strong support in the Greek community. Other candidates include Stella Black, Wallace Davis III, Todd Connor, Teddy Aguilar, Mary Paolantonio Salemi, Maureen Kelly, Kathy O'Reilley, Kari Steele and Jerry Marzullo. That's a field of 12, with seven women, two Hispanics and three blacks.

The outlook: McGowan, Steele and Davis (the latter two who are children of former aldermen) will be on the unofficial "black slate." With her Irish surname, McGowan is a cinch. In 2008 Spyroupoulos got 296,088 votes, finishing fourth, while the slated Dean Maragos got 205,031 votes, finishing sixth. Greek names are a hard sell, but surnames like Kelly and O'Reilley aren't, especially if the candidates are women, and most especially if they win first or second ballot position in the lottery. As usual, the water district election will be a crapshoot.

Board of Review (1st District): Once elected countywide, the three commissioners now run in districts, with the 1st District being wholly suburban. The board reviews and can reduce the assessed value of real estate. In 2006 Brendan Houlihan upset Republican incumbent Maureen Murphy by 13,062 votes, getting 51.5 percent of the total cast. Wheeling Township assessor Dan Patlak is the 2010 slated Republican, and he faces a potential shill in Sean Morrison. According to Patlak, Morrison's petitions were circulated by 19th Ward Democrats, who want to beat Patlak, after which Morrison will take a dive. The outlook: Patlak will win.

Governor (Republican): Compared to Pat Quinn, every Republican is the least worst alternative. Therefore, the key to the primary is to portray one's opponents as the worst least worst and oneself as the best least worst. Do you follow that?

The top tier consists of state Senators Bill Brady and Kirk Dillard and former Illinois attorney general Jim Ryan, who lost to Blagojevich in 2002, getting 45.1 percent of the vote. Brady is the most conservative, Dillard has former governor Jim Edgar's endorsement, and Ryan is a retread.

The second tier includes businessman Andy McKenna and DuPage County Board Chairman Bob Schillerstrom, and the third tier consists of businessman Adam Andrzewski and publicist Dan Proft. McKenna will spend $3 million.

The outlook: It's a Brady-Dillard horse race. The key question: Even if Quinn is the pits, will enough habitual Democrats and liberal independents decide next November that having a Republican governor is the least worst option?

Governor (Democratic): It's "Governor Jello" versus the "Yogurt Man." By next June, the (expletive) will hit the proverbial fan. Taxes will have to rise, or state services will have to be slashed. Quinn vacillates daily. Comptroller Dan Hynes is the Democrats' least worst alternative.

Hynes has no tie to Blagojevich, and he won't be enmeshed in the coming fiscal meltdown. Interestingly, Hynes does not oppose a state income tax hike; instead, he just wants "tax the rich" -- those earning more than $200,000. According to Hynes' insiders, Hynes is like yogurt, and he wants to make the state healthy, even if it means raising taxes and serving only one term.

That makes Democrats like Daley and Illinois House Speaker Mike Madigan happy. If Hynes were elected, the Democrats would control the 2011 redistricting and Hynes would take the hit for a tax hike, and in 2014 Hynes would take a hike, clearing the way for Lisa Madigan to be governor.

10th Illinois Senate District: Incumbent Democrat Jim DeLeo is retiring. Those who filed in the Northwest Side district are Democrats Mary Anselmo, John Nocita, Wanda Majcher, Tom Ryan and John Mulroe and Republican Alderman Brian Doherty (41st). Against a second-rate field, Doherty is favored to win.

20th Illinois House District: Incumbent Republican Mike McAuliffe, who has served since 1996, will face desultory opposition from Democrat Nancy Micek.

11th Illinois House District (Ravenswood-Lakeview): Incumbent Democrat John Fritchey is running for county commissioner against former alderman Ted Matlak. Democrats seeking the seat are Dan Farley, Ann Williams and Scott Tucker. The favorite is Farley, who is the son of a former state senator, although Williams has appeal as a liberal reformer.